Adventures of a born-again southpaw

In early September I cracked some carpals in my left wrist. Three weeks later, just as it was healing to the point of fairly painless shampooing, I snapped my right arm.

SNAPPED. Two complete fractures in my radius, one crack in my ulna. Big purple cast that doesn’t fit in most of my sleeves. Big sling/immobilizer thingie keeping it elevated and strapped against my ribs.

Best excuse I’ve ever had for not posting, right?

It’s my dominant hand. My pants-buttoning, mouse-moving, hair-washing, nail-clipping, gear-shifting, camera-clicking, Diet-Dr.-Pepper-opening hand.

So I’m typing this with my left hand*, verrry slowly and inaccurately as I rest my casted right arm on a fluffy pillow. That arm still hurts like a bitch, and my left wrist is not happy about being called back into service so quickly – especially now that it has to do all the work alone.

I really am trying not to feel sorry for myself. It’s been 2 weeks since the right arm break, and it’s been so hard to not get frustrated at my new limitations. I complain a lot. I get frustrated. I pout and cry. It seems like every day I discover something else I CAN’T DO anymore.

I’m trying to move forward without hurting myself further – one wrong move and despite the cast, I could need surgery. The break was BAD, but the set was accurate… though I can still fuck it up if I overdo things. The bones haven’t knit yet – they’re in line to, but it hasn’t happened.

This post is me attempting to be a little more positive. I’m going to tell you about some of the things I have learned to do as a new lefty, to remind myself that in the last 2 weeks, I’ve figured out a lot.

1. 1. I can hit Ctrl+Alt+Del left-handed. This was surprisingly difficult and I am proud.
2. 2. I can plug in chargers and USB things. Also tricky at first because I couldn’t hold whatever I was plugging still in order to get the charger in.
3. 3. I can carry a sub sandwich in my cast.
4. 4. I’ve gotten pretty fast at the Swype keyboard on my phone and tablet.
5. 5. I can pump conditioner (and lotion, shampoo, etc.) with just my sore left thumb into my palm and not make a mess of it.
6. 6. I can throw a tennis ball for my dog and not accidentally fling it out of the yard.
7. 7. I can mouse! Takes a pricey, fancy mouse with a trackball and scroll ring, but I can do it.
8. 8. I can open a canned beverage.
9. 9. I can button and zip my pants.
10. 10. I can get my bra and shirt on and off without help.
11. 11. I can open childproof bottles of pain medicine.
12. 12. I can make good pillow forts.

There. It helps me to see those things. It helps that Dan drew a heart on my cast so when I look at it I don’t feel totally sad and sorry for myself, but it’s hard. My season – and probably my “career” – in Gaelic football is over. I’m a spectator now. I can’t exercise and I’m afraid I’ll get fat and lumpy. And this damn cast is starting to smell like feet.**

Well, there I go again, huh? Me and my first world problems.

But tomorrow I will add something to the list.

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* And Percocet. Pardon the rambling.

** Cast-freshening ideas? Please?

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